A common concern that most people have when wearing diapers is whether or not their diapers will be noticed when they go out into the world.
I know this first hand. I used to carry the weight of this concern for many years.
Over that time I did all sorts of things in an effort to keep my diapers concealed. In retrospect, I was doing what I needed to do to build my confidence up to where it is today.
Keep reading to see exactly what I mean by that!
If you are constantly worried about whether or not anyone is going to notice your diapers, these are the best tips and advice I have to offer after 20 years of wearing diapers!
Understand What The Spotlight Effect Is
I feel like the most important thing to start with is the fact that by merely asking the question of “How to wear diapers discreetly?” we must recognize what it is that we are truly trying to address.
On the surface, we might think we’re trying to keep people from noticing our diapers but when you peel back that layer you realize it is not other people we are concerned about. It is our irrational fears of how they will react that we are concerned about.
We THINK that everyone will notice if our diaper is too thick and FEAR the potential fall out of such an event. We THINK that someone will notice if our diapers crinkle too loudly and FEAR being made fun of for it.
There are a couple of really important things going on here that I hope I can help you understand.
First off, there is a psychological component at play called The Spotlight Effect. This is where people overestimate how much others notice things about their appearance or behavior.
Since YOU are at the center of YOUR world, this effect makes it very hard to accurately evaluate how much you are ACTUALLY noticed by others.
The second thing to recognize here is that because of this effect your feelings of self-consciousness are being amplified. When you feel that thickness between your legs and think that your diaper is noticeable, that’s because it is.
To YOU!
Once you start to understand how this spotlight effect messes with your own mind you then will begin to realize that no one around you is immune to this effect. This is why most people will never notice a thing.
This is also why I am reframing the tips on this page from being about making sure others don’t notice your diapers towards them being steps about building up your confidence.
Each one of the following tips is a brick for you to use in building a foundation of confidence.
Wear the Right Diaper for the Activity At Hand
Having the right diaper that works best for you is certainly of the utmost importance for gaining confidence. Getting the right size and absorbency level for the bulk of your needs is a priority.
I know that this alone can be a costly monthly expense. It does however help one to build confidence by having at least one other potential option on hand to choose from.
If you need to wear a thick adult diaper most of the time to cover your needs it’s helpful to have a thinner option to wear when you want to eliminate any potential self-conscious feeling caused by the thickness of your diapers.
I do this myself.
I keep a thinner cloth backed diaper on hand at all times for when I think that I might feel more self-conscious about the fact that I’m wearing a diaper. This is rare for me these days but I usually will use them when I go to the gym.
This allows me to wear lighter clothing without any concerns someone can see the outline of my diaper.
The good news about this approach is that you really only have to order one extra bag of something once in a while if you save these diapers for those sorts of activities.
Use Underwear to Reduce the Crinkle Noise
If you decide plastic backed diapers are the best way to go for you but are feeling self conscious about the crinkle noise that they make there are a number of ways to address this.
A lot of people just use a pair of underwear. This works really well because to reduce the noise it makes all you have to do is constrict the movement of the plastic outer shell.
This means that a snug fitting pair of underwear, a snug fitting pair of plastic pants, a pair of biker shorts, or even an adult incontinence onesie all can help with this issue.
Not only will all of these items help reduce the crinkle sound but they will also help hold the product up in place once it starts to get heavy. That’s specifically what onesies that snap at the crotch are designed to do. (yes they do make those in adult sizes)
One caveat to this tip is to make sure that whatever you use isn’t TOO TIGHT. If what you choose to wear is too tight it will end up squeezing the fluid out of the diaper well before it reaches capacity.
It’s important to be snug but not tight.
Have Snacks With Wrappers As Cover For Crinkles
Another great tip that can help when you’re feeling self conscious about a crinkly diaper is to always have a bag of chips or one of those breath mints in a wrapper.
This isn’t a technique I’ve used myself but for some in my audience, it gives them peace of mind to have an excuse for the crinkle. The idea is that if you are always seen with something in a wrapper that any crinkle sounds coming from you can be ascribed to that wrapper.
It makes sense and if having the empty wrapper in your pocket as a potential explanation helps you feel better then do it! All of these techniques are about you, your psyche, and building your confidence!
Eventually, you’ll begin to realize that the general ambient noise of being outside or in a room of people working will usually drown out any noticeable crinkle your diapers might make.
Until then, utilize every tactic and technique on this list to build up your confidence in yourself one small step at a time.
Prevent Smelling By Using Plastic Backed Diapers
Thus far we have talked a lot about how to muffle the noise of a plastic backed diaper. There are a few good reasons for this.
It is a common misconception that cloth backed diapers are better to wear because they allow for the skin to breathe. They do allow the skin around the hips to breathe a bit more in hotter weather but how effective they are at preventing rashes is debatable.
The problem with this “breathable” factor is that it works two ways. When they’re barely even wet they let the smell of urine out too.
While most diapers these days are manufactured with some chemicals in them that are meant to help neutralize the odor of urine I’ve always smelled urine coming off of me a lot more strongly with cloth backed diapers than any plastic backed diaper.
My rule of thumb pretty much is if I can smell me, then it is likely others can too.
So this is one reason I personally recommend plastic backed diapers.
Prevent Noticeable Smells By Changing When Needed
Another great technique, if you’re feeling a bit paranoid about whether or not you smell, is to bring extra changes with you. Be ready to change a bit more frequently than you would if you weren’t around anyone.
Remember, a good rule of thumb is that “If YOU can smell YOU then it’s likely others can too.” Especially when you consider the fact that our senses are often dulled to our own smells.
If you prefer to go with cloth backed types of products you will likely need to change much more frequently to prevent having a cloud of urine smell from hanging over you.
You could potentially reduce this by using a pair of plastic pants but at that point, I feel like that would give you the rustling noise you were trying to avoid with cloth backed diapers to begin with.
Avoid Strong Scented Products Like Baby Oil or A&D
How you prefer to smell is very much a personal preference. While the last few tips were about preventing smelling like urine, some people just don’t like the smell of certain products.
While baby oil and A&D ointment can be good ways to protect the skin, some people feel self conscious about smelling like A BABY. Other’s simply just don’t like the smell of products like those.
There are of course other products besides these that one can use for that extra protection of the skin without sacrificing their sense of smell to scents they don’t like.
There are even uniquely scented cornstarch based powders out there you can try until you find one with a scent you like.
Use Perfume and Cologne For Extra Cover!
Of course, we can’t talk about personal scent preferences and ONLY talk about cultivating them by AVOIDING certain products.
That may not be enough for some. So for an even BIGGER confidence boost wear your favorite cologne or perfume when you go out.
If you don’t currently have one, this is a great excuse to do a little smell testing and find something you like.
Be sure not to go overboard with it! The idea is to prevent drawing attention to the fact that you might have “certain” smells emitting from you due to incontinence.
Not to draw attention to how overwhelming your cologne or perfume is.
Another interesting technique some out there might be interested in deploying is the use of breath mints.
Remember the breath mints in the wrappers from earlier we talked about carrying for the crinkle sound?
Well, they double as a handy tool if you feel you need some extra cover for any smells you might be emitting. Just pop a mint in your mouth and let a cloud of freshness permeate your immediate surroundings.
Wear Clothing That Makes You FEEL Confident
It’s important to find clothing that you are not only comfortable wearing but that makes you FEEL CONFIDENT!
There are plenty of studies that show how we dress has a HUGE impact on how we feel about ourselves. Not just how we feel but how we think too!
It’s called “Enclothed Cognition”. This study published in The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology shows how clothes systemically influence the wearer’s psychological processes.
It’s part of the reason why the simple fact of wearing a diaper makes people feel SOO self conscious and has such a deep impact on people’s psyche.
The best way to combat this is to find a style of clothing that makes you feel powerful! Recognize that the way you present yourself can be a weapon against all this angst you feel about going out.
It can also be a weapon against what others might think about you too.
Find a style that makes you feel confident and proud to be you!
Wear Clothing That Accomodates A Thick Diaper
For some out there, it is important for their confidence that they FEEL their diaper is not visibly noticeable due to the clothes they are wearing.
If this is you, then it’s always a good idea to size up in clothing. Some might even prefer baggy clothes.
The key is to try on clothes while wearing the thickest diaper you might possibly need to wear. Maybe even wait until it is just a bit wet because diapers will swell as they get wet.
This will help ensure that you don’t feel self conscious about that extra bulk between your legs later.
Others find wearing their shirts tucked in to be helpful. It adds a bit of an excuse for any noticeable puffiness.
Dark Pants Hide Leaks But Show Powders
As the title of this section indicates there are pros and cons to wearing dark pants.
The pro is that when you happen to have a leak they are A LOT harder to notice on darker pants. This can go a long way towards giving you peace of mind when you have to make that horrifying trek through the office after you’ve noticed that you leaked.
The con is that powders can show on them a lot more easily. This is definitely something to consider if you’re out, wearing a dark black skirt, and changing your diaper in a bathroom stall standing up.
If you normally use powder I would advise just to avoid using it in this sort of scenario. You probably already know that powder goes everywhere! It’s best not to get it on your dark clothes.
Then you might have to explain what it is.
Wear A Onesie or Tuck In Your Shirt
Another common concern that many people have is whether or not their shirt is going to come up and someone will see the waistband of their diaper.
One way to address this is by tucking your shirt in. Tucking your shirt in will ensure it stays in your pants and that if you need to bend over there’s no way a diaper can poke out of the top of your pants.
Another option is to get an adult onesie. These would be the types of onesies that snape in the crotch.
They do make them in adult sizes and adult styles. Some of them even look like a colored Polo shirt!
These also come with the added benefit of helping to hold the diaper in place. So if you have problems with your diaper sagging off your butt as it gains weight onesies also serve as a solution for that too!
Think About Diaper Changes Strategically
Be prepared for the inevitable diaper change that will be necessary as you go about your day.
It’s helpful to have a plan of when and where you will change. Use a private restroom when and where possible.
If you need to use a public restroom try to strategize doing it at a time and location that has the least amount of foot traffic.
Bring some plastic bags to tie your dirty diaper up so no one can tell what it is. You might still feel self conscious about it but no one other than another diaper wearer will know what it is.
If you need to change your diaper at a friend’s house who you don’t want knowing the plastic bags come in handy so you can put your dirty diaper back in your bag until you can dispose of it somewhere else.
You could of course use the same tactic in public restrooms as well.
Clean Up Before You Have Company Over
One thing I used to always do was go around my house and clean up all things diaper related when I knew I had a guest on the way.
I’d take out the trash, make sure all changing supplies are stashed away, and that there were no traces of diapers anywhere out in the open.
If I was wearing loose fitting clothes, like what I normally wear these days, I would change into jeans so as better to conceal the crinkle of the diaper. I would also try to make sure something was playing on the T.V. so the noise would also work to drown out the crinkle.
It can be a little bit easier for someone to discover your secret when they’re in your personal space like this so steps must be taken!
Eventually, after using these tactics and many others like them for so many years, you WILL become confident. Just remember that none of these tactics are for the benefit of anyone else but you.
They are all about how you feel about yourself. When you feel confident about yourself the rest of the world will reflect your confidence right back at you.